Exercise and postnatal depression

Postnatal depression is fucking awful. Depression with a baby or child means you can't wallow feeling suicidal in bed. You have to keep going, and going, and going. So how the hell is exercise going to help when all you want to do is curl up by yourself, sleep and try and escape the hell that is your own head?

It helped me as it forms part of who I am. I love running (no shit) so to be able to exercise again helped me feel more like the old me - maybe with a bit more of a saggy tum - but me all the same.

But for mums who hate exercise it can also help for a huge number of reasons. First, when I talk about "exercise" I don't mean training for a sub 4 hour marathon (though that's cool too if that's your bag), I mean getting out of the house. Putting some structure into your crazy kid-filled day. Peeling yourself away from your phone. Putting on your and your kid's shoes and getting out of the door. Going for a walk around the block. Listening to some music. Coming home, feeling just a little brighter. You will feel better for it. I promise.

It's the change of scene. Raising your heartrate a little, deepening your breathing. Getting some fresh air. Saying hello and smiling at someone. Feeling like you've achieved something with the day. Walking (fast or slow) is really, really good for the soul. It helps clear your head, level the anxiety out a little and settle your mind. Exercise releases endorphins which make you feel better about yourself and the world will seem not quite as tilted as before.

Second, exercise can be as social or antisocial as you want it to be. I know when I'm feeling low I really ought to get out there and be friendly, but sometimes I just can't face it. So I go for a walk (or a run or swim if I'm lucky) with just the baby. But, it really, really does make things infinitely better by going for a walk with a friend. And, perhaps not surprisingly, there are now more and more groups springing up for mums who want to go walking. The journalist Bryony Gordon even set up Mental Health Mates as a non judgmental social place to meet other people who were also suffering from mental health problems and to go for a walk. Double hit. If walking isn't your thing, there are plenty of other mum-friendly exercise classes around like yoga or buggyfit.

Third, if you can find some help, taking time out from being a mum to do some exercise can work wonders to ease depression. I try to go to a yoga class or swimming once a week when my husband is at home, or go for a short run before he goes to work. Even just 20 minutes to go for a walk around the block. Exercise WITHOUT THE KIDS really, really helped my sanity. No one else to think about. Time to breathe, listen to a podcast, do some stretches, whatever. I think that's the key thing about exercise - when your body moves, it allows your mind to be still, and that's worth gold dust in these crazy motherhood times.

Getting out and about walking with a pushchair and a baby

I'm always trying to find places to go and walk around that are doable with a pushchair. It's not straightforward as there is no one place to go for reference. A lot of footpaths are accessible but you don't know till you get there.Generally cycle paths, byways and bridle ways are ok but they often traverse roads too.  Doing a search for disused railway paths often brings up other ideas of places to stroll safely. I've also found these websites helpful when browsing for accessible places to walk (sorry only southeast as that's where I roam).

Walks with buggies
NCT Dorking walks
Accessible countryside Surrey
Accessible countryside Kent
Accessible countryside Sussex
Disabled access Sussex
Tunbridge Wells walks
Easy walks in Sussex
Penshurst-Tonbridge off road cycle route
East Grinstead-Groombridge off road cycle route

Anyway, I take the little guy for a walk in our local woods on a regular basis. In the early days it was for me - I needed to get out of the house during mat leave otherwise I would have gone mad. And there is something about woodland (and heathland and the coast!) that really settles my soul and makes me feel more at ease and content.

As my son gets older it's more to give him a change of scene. He loves woodland. He likes looking at all the leaves. And now he's running about independently there is a whole new dimension. 

The essential exercises to do after childbirth - pelvic floor (kegels) and core work

Well folks, I'm feeling a bit bummed out as I've been told I still have diastasis recti (separation of your stomach muscles - pretty common after childbirth) so running is not really advised until my core is stronger and better aligned. But I guess I need good foundations to come back running stronger after having a baby, so I'm going to focus on core work over the next 8 weeks, along with some leg and arm strengthening and some swimming (this is, of course, if I can find the time. My two boys run a tight ship so we'll see...). So hopefully, come October, I'll be in a better position to not do any lasting damage to my body and I can start training again properly.

I'm trying to turn this negative into a positive. It will give me more time to really focus on getting my stomach back into shape - something I've always said I wanted to do, but never have. Also I've always wanted to get into yoga more, so this is a great opportunity to do so. Plus, I loved swimming when I was pregnant, so I hope I'll still get enjoyment from a different form of exercise.

That said, it is very hard. Running is a very easy way to give yourself half an hour's grace from the realities of childcaring. Plus it does form part of my identity. If I can't run, I get sad. But! It's not for long! People have injuries for longer than 8 weeks, so I must think myself lucky.

It's actually quite hard to find good advice on the correct pelvic floor (kegels) and core exercises you should be doing after childbirth. I saw a women's health physiotherapist after my first son, and these were the pelvic floor exercises she gave me. I swear by these. Correct postnatal core exercises to follow in the next post.

1)  Start lying down with your knees bent. Imagine your pelvic floor is like a hammock running from front of the pubic bone to the base of your lower spine. Pull up your hammock, but keep your breathing normal and your tummy relaxed.
2) Hold for 10 seconds (if you can. You may need to build up to this right after childbirth). Try not to hold the contraction at full effort, more 60%. Relax. Repeat 10x. This exercise helps strengthen the fibres that work at a low intensity for longer i.e they help hold all your internal organs in all the time.
4) Next do 10x short, quick contractions. Hold for 1 second at a higher intensity, then relax. This exercise helps strengthen the fibres that work to prevent you wetting yourself when you sneeze, for example.
5) Repeat the exercises 3x. Aim to do these daily. It helps to remember to do them at the same time each day, or when you do something specific like make a cup of tea or breastfeed.
6) When you can easily do these exercises lying down, try them in a forward lean kneeling position, and then standing up. Gravity will make the exercises harder to do.

Why are these pelvic floor exercises so important? Well apart from the obvious that they prevent you wetting (or worse) yourself, they hold in your internal organs, including the womb, safely where they should be. Worse case scenario is a prolapse. Yeah, you're ok thanks.

Fitness classes for mum and baby

I'm completely out of shape (as you would expect) after pregnancy and birth and the early days of having a baby are just so physical, it's no wonder my back is whinging and I get puffed walking up the stairs still.

So as well as a gentle easing back into running I've signed up to a couple of fitness classes for me and the little guy to help get my poor old body back up to speed.

First up is mum and baby yoga. There are tons of these sorts of classes about. I tried to find one that was equally balanced for baby and me. I have found many classes do tend to be much more for baby when what I really want is a bit of time to do a set of downward dogs and stretch my back out back to its normal height.

I've found a fab class that progresses each week as you improve. Honestly I feel like I've been for an hour long massage it's that good. Plus the little guy loves it too and usually conks out midway through. 

Yoga or Pilates is so important for mums to do. First it helps with regaining core stability and strength and second it helps with realigning the body back into a good posture. My body at the moment is mainly spent hunched over my baby feeding him, or carrying him around in a sling which tilts my posture out of shape. Finally it just makes you feel good and is a bit of time well spent just for you.

The second class for general postnatal fitness that I do is not quite as common as mum and baby yoga but classes can be found in most areas. Again I've been really lucky as this hour-long session concentrates solely on mum but babies are welcome to attend. The class focuses on strengthening and toning all major muscle groups plus working on core strength post birth - so no sit ups but lots of bridges, pelvic floor work and so on.

I feel like a knackered old mare in these classes as the moment but am so excited to have found this sort of class as  its more important than ever to build my strength and cardio back up if I want to get back to running effectively.  I can't just rely on running and shouldn't either as I've lost so much strength through pregnancy. 

There are lots of other mum fitness classes available. Buggyfit run classes countrywide. They are held outside with babies in the buggies and Busy Lizzy (only in the Southeast) run a membership scheme for mums to attend various postnatal fitness classes such as yoga, pilates, boot camp and aerobics. I feel a bit sorry for the little guy as first time round I spent all my time doing classes and groups for baby, but this time round I'm being a bit more selfish and doing stuff for me, but happy mum equals happy baby so the downward dogs will continue. 

First six weeks of newborn life - take two

Okay cool. I'm still writing this blog. It may be a bit sporadic but that's newborn life. I'd forgotten how it was. You have five minute windows to do stuff, so stuff is often left half done. Then you forget about said stuff to be done, only remembering two years later when no one gives a fuck anyway.

I did have time to read this post yesterday on the great website The Pool about fit "moms" (god I hate that word) of Instagram. It argued that we shouldn't get all judgypants over these women parading their washboard stomachs days after giving birth, but we should accept that there is not a one-size-fits-all approach to motherhood and fitness.

While I agree with some of the sentiments, I also do think this type of image does create unhelpful messages, similar to looking at celebrities online who have apparently "just snapped back into shape", though possibly worse as many women on Instagram are supposed to be just like you and me (but with added filters). No one really knows what effort has gone into that one image. Those fit mums out there may well have had huge amounts of time or money to dedicate to fitness both pre baby, and after birth.

The reality for me is I have no help, other than my husband who often works late, and my wonderful childminder who looks after my toddler 3 days a week. I have my baby 24/7. Some mothers don't even have this. So finding time to exercise can be tough, particularly if you only get five minute windows of me time, and then all you want to do in that time is close your eyes.

They say the first three months of newborn life is like the fourth trimester. Don't expect too much too soon. Try to relax and enjoy the time with your baby, however chaotic and tiring it can be. Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up that you haven't done any exercise yet - you've just created a human being FFS!

I have to remind myself when I look in the mirror that I.AM.NOT.FAT.I.HAVE.JUST.GIVEN.BIRTH.AND.EATING.CHOCOLATE.BISCUITS.IS.OK! It can be a bit demoralising (particularly when looking at washboard stomachs of women post birth) but wobbly post baby bodies are normal and should be admired. It takes nine months to make a baby. It should take nine months (or more) to get your old body shape back, should you want it.

So this first six weeks I've really done bugger all exercise and I've enjoyed sitting on the sofa eating too much chocolate with my new son, thinking about all the exercise I will do soon. You can see what exercise II managed with my first son in the first six weeks here. I love running and I miss it, but I have embraced not doing anything other than resting for the first half of the fourth trimester. There will be plenty of time to post my inspirational posts of Instagram. I doubt they will be of washboard bellies, but they will hopefully be a realistic take on how fitness can fit into family life.

How hypnobirthing techniques can be used for general wellbeing

I'm on the other side. I've given birth. And it was....... great.

And I think it was down to hypnobirthing.

I've been reflecting on what I've learnt from the course and realised that hynpobirthing techniques don't have to just be for mothers giving birth, they can be used for most things in life, including running and general wellbeing.

Hypnobirthing sounds a bit woo, but I'd heard a lot of positive things about it so was intrigued. Its basic premise is to help mothers feel less anxious, fearful or worried about giving birth through relaxation and breathing techniques. There are a few different methods out there including Marie Mongan, the yesmum and Wise Hippo. I chose to go with natal hypnotherapy (Maggie Howell) as there was a teacher near me who could do a private course plus I'd heard great things about this style of hypnobirthing (though Hollie de Cruz at the yesmum in London is fabulous if you can attend one of her courses).

My experience of childbirth with my first was not one I really wanted to repeat, so this time round I thought I would try everything possible to make this a more positive experience. Difficult with childbirth as you never really know what's going to happen, though there are definitely some things you can control, like your mindset. And this is where hypnobirthing comes in.

There are a few key elements to hypnobirthing which I found to be most empowering, and easily translated into other areas. 

1) Self hypnosis
The major part of hypnobirthing is to teach yourself to be able to get into a calm, relaxed state quickly through self hypnosis. This takes practice, so every day you are encouraged to listen to a set 15 minute audio track. This audio track uses cues such as '3,2,1 relax', plus visualisation techniques that help you focus in detail on positive, safe places in your life, such as a sunny beach, your bedroom or a dappled wood. This self hypnosis is coupled with other positive reinforcement cues such as getting into a comfortable position, dimming the lights, and dropping some lavender oil on your pillow - basically things you may do to help you get to sleep.

Being able to get into a hypnotic state is helpful for birth as it gives you an increased receptiveness to positive suggestions and helps your body and mind to remain calm and relaxed.The aim is to encourage your conscious brain to switch off and to let your subconscious take over. In other words, to go into a daydream-like state.

This practice of self hypnosis is obviously extremely useful for anything in life, not just birth. I practiced 15 minutes a day and it was just a really nice 15 minute break to give my mind a break from more conscious thoughts. For specific events, such as a big race coming up, or more general worries, such as I'm not good enough to try running, it's also brilliant, as it can help reframe your mind into feeling more relaxed and confident about what's ahead. A bit like mindfulness rebranded. 

2) Positive affirmations
Alongside self hypnosis to help keep your mind and body in a calm place is the process of positive affirmations to help you feel positive about the task ahead. I kept two or three affirmations in each room so that I read them whenever I saw them. Affirmations are personal to you but could include things like "I am relaxed and calm" "I can do this" or "I am confident in my body". Affirmations need to be specific to you and you need to read them regularly too. 

Reading short, simple phrases like this can help reprogramme the mind by changing negative beliefs and patterns. Changing negative thought processes can be a long and hard process so having a visual cue like this helps to remind ourselves of the more positive thoughts we should be having.

I'm a firm believer that not having confidence in yourself is the major thing stopping us achieving what we want. We are all amazing and can achieve great and good things, yet this inner critic often stops us. This is true of birth, and of all other stuff too. How many times have you said to yourself "I'm not good enough to do that" "I'll fail that" etc. Using positive affirmations, coupled with hypnosis, can help us to think more along the lines of YES I CAN! So positive affirmations are great for believing you can give birth, but also for everything else too.

3) 'What if' scenarios
My hypnobirthing course encouraged me to think through scenarios I was concerned about or fearful of and to figure out what I would do if it really happened. Some situations you will have some control over and can influence, and some you cannot. What's important is how you react to events. Going through all scenarios can also help to make you feel prepared - forewarned is forearmed.

I use this technique a lot before races too. I think about all the things that could happen - stitch, falling over, late for race, hit the wall etc and what I will do in each event. The main thing to note is when you have control over things, and when you do not.

Another technique which is transferable is visualising the perfect birth. This can also be used pre races too. I used to do this a lot before marathons where I would imagine the glory of the last mile and getting that PB!

4) Breathing techniques 
Though not a major part of natal hypnotherapy, breathing techniques are used, and I found them to be invaluable for controlling pain. The main technique used is the focus on the breath - in and out, ensuring it is steady and rhythmic. Outside of giving birth, focusing on breathing is always a good and simple technique to quell anxiety and fears.

I've got so much out of my hypnobirthing course - my dream birth for one. I never thought that hypnobirthing could be useful in other areas of life though. The key to success is to practice regularly. I'm hoping to keep my positive affirmations out to remind myself of all the POSITIVE things about me, and to find a spare 15 minutes here and there to lie back, switch off and relax.

How exercise helped me regain my identity

No one can prepare you. Such a cliché but true. Before you have your first child, you think you understand what it will be like. I remember thinking the first three months would be chaos but I'd roll with it and then things would slowly fall into place. I imagined lazy days on the sofa watching box sets with baby sleeping soundly on my chest. And for some people this may be true, but it wasn't for me.

My reality was a traumatic birth and a colicky baby who did not feed or sleep well. I felt like I had been been run over by a train. It wasn't just the physical - 2l of blood loss, near death experience, anaemia, general what-the-fuckness about giving birth, it was the mental side that punched me harder than Muhammed Ali on steroids.

Sudden loss of freedom and of independence. Huge, huge responsibility for a human being! With no instructions! It's like being made CEO of a Big Deal Company when you have no experience and are still in primary school. I felt completely out of my depth and it was very very frightening.

I had no confidence and couldn't switch off. There was a small person lying on me, effectively like a wild animal in my eyes, who I had no idea how to read or look after. I just waited with bated breathe for the next howl, wondering what to do. Many people told me "oh you will know what to do, it will come naturally". It didn't for me. I loved this small person but I was also frightened of him.

In hindsight it is easy to say I shouldn't have worried so much. I should have relaxed more. Everything is just a phase. But I couldn't. Instead I turned into a google monster. Googling everything to do with babies and THINGS.THAT.COULD.WRONG. How much should babies cry?Why is he crying so much? Is it normal he cries so much?  What if he had silent reflux? Should I use a dummy? Will his speech be delayed if I use a dummy? How do I use a sling? Which sling should I use? What do I do if my baby hates a sling? I want to be a natural parenting mother but it appears my baby does not like me anyway I try to parent him.

I mourned for my old life. I mourned for routine and sleep and being able to go for a run when I wanted to and knowing what I was doing. I didn't feel like me anymore. I didn't know who I was. I felt so jealous of my husband whose life had stayed relatively the same. He hadn't given birth and he didn't have to breastfeed and he went back to work as normal.


I felt like I had to learn to do easy things again, like a child would. Going for a walk, entering a shop, driving the car. All these tasks seemed too huge and momentous to do anymore with a baby attached to me. Even having a bath was very difficult to do. Going for a run seemed out of the question for a long time. 

However, things do change. My body did recover from birth, and I found enough time to get my trainers back on and get out of the house on my own. There is no question that exercise helped me overcome my experience of postnatal depression. 

Even when not suffering from depression, going for a run has always made me feel in a better mood. I come home feeling more relaxed, confident and with more positive thoughts. Running has always been a good way for me to find the space to think through any issues or negative thoughts and reframe them positively. 

After having my son, finding 20-30 minutes to go for a run was probably my lifeline. It gave me time to just be me, not a mother. Having physical space away from my son was important for me, as if I was in the house with someone else looking after him I still could not switch off and take time out. I needed some space to get some perspective on my situation. And because of how running helps me feel more confident and happy, I would come home feeling much more confident and happy in my ability to be an ok-mum.

Going running also helped me remember that I was still me. Yes the old me might have gone forever - that woman with time on her hands, and no real responsibilities, but underneath the new mum me I was still the same person, and I could still feel part of the real world and participate in something other than being a mother. That may sound selfish to some, but part of my crisis with having my firstborn was I did not feel like myself anymore and felt like I had been excluded from the the rest of the world as I felt unable to do the many things I used to take for granted. 

As I improved I felt ready to enter a few races, which built my confidence further. And this in turn, I think, helped increase my confidence in being an alright mother too. I was doing ok! My son seemed to like me! I felt I could relax and enjoy being a mother more. 

Reflecting back now I wish I could have injected myself with some confidence when I became a mum. It's been a very steep learning curve and I hope this second time around I do feel a little more relaxed. If I don't, I know lacing up my trainers and getting some exercise is going to help big time. Selfish? I don't think so, as a happy me equals a happy mother.